


Blame It On Me

by FandomStar



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Picard
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, Guilt, Implied/Referenced Abduction, M/M, Mentioned Reconnection to Borg Collective, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Misplaced Guilt, Pre-Relationship, Rescue Missions, Temporary Reconnection to Borg Collective
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:21:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27264148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FandomStar/pseuds/FandomStar
Summary: It isn’t Elnor’s fault. Hugh is gone, and it is not Elnor’s fault. But he can’t stop blaming himself. However, if the La Sirena crew is to find out where and why Hugh has gone, Elnor needs to put his guilt to one side and help his friends and crew.
Relationships: Elnor & Agnes Jurati, Elnor & Jean-Luc Picard, Elnor & Raffi Musiker, Elnor & Seven of Nine, Elnor/Hugh | Third of Five
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11
Collections: Star Trek Halloween Horror Bang 2020





	Blame It On Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [JadeAbarai](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JadeAbarai/gifts).



> This was written for the Star Trek Halloween Horror Bang! I'd like to thank JadeAbarai for the incredible pieces of art drawn for my fanfic (whom I've gifted this work to, so go take a look at what she's written for the event!) and also many many huge thanks to Cy for putting together and organising this!  
> Really hope you enjoy this, and feel free to reblog the post on my Tumblr if you did!  
> ~Ell

* * *

There was so much space. _So much space for Hugh to be,_ Elnor thought, staring through the observation window. They’d spent the previous night talking - about life, and feelings, and… and _them,_ trying to define what they were to each other. The next morning, the xB had simply gone. He had disappeared, and was nowhere to be found, not on the ship and not anywhere within transporter range. Elnor felt worried, and concerned, and upset, and cheated, and guilt-ridden. If he were to use any kind of logic to displace the guilt, as he had tried to, he would remember the way Hugh had tightly wrapped his arms around him, hugging him as he promised not to leave and sleepily kissed Elnor before eventually drifting into a deep sleep. But minds did not work that way, and this mindset certainly was not helping to rid Elnor’s of the unnecessary feeling of guilt. He started at a hand unexpectedly lowering itself onto his shoulder.

“Easy, Elnor,” Picard kindly said, removing his hand. “You didn’t come to the meeting, so I thought I should find you. We were discussing what our nexts steps will be.”

Elnor only nodded in response, continuing to stare into the void of space. He didn’t look at Picard, even as he sat beside him.

“I have to say, I was surprised when you didn’t turn up. I know how close you and Hugh have become.” Picard commented, possibly expecting a response. He didn’t get one, and he sighed gently. “That’s why I thought I’d tell you how we’re planning to find him.”

“How do you know he wants to be found?” Elnor asked, finally speaking and looking at the significantly older man.

Picard frowned at him. “Elnor, why would he not want to be found?”

Elnor moved his gaze to his lap. He didn’t want to explain and out the relationship he had with Hugh, if that was what it was.

“We… We were talking last night. I may have… I fear that I said something that overwhelmed him or upset him or…” He trailed off, not wanting to dwell on it too much.

From his right, Picard scoffed, causing Elnor to sharply look up at him.

“I highly doubt that, Elnor. Hugh cares about you a lot. He wouldn’t let something like that separate him from you. Or from any of us,” Picard told him, clearly trying to reassure him. “So. Would you like to know what it was we came up with?”

Hesitantly, Elnor swallowed, before meeting Picard’s eyes levelly and nodding.

* * *

Elnor paced the rear of the bridge. How long had it been? Eighteen hours since Hugh vanished? Six since communications had begun to be intercepted to find any mention of Borg, ex- or otherwise? Elnor didn’t know, all he knew was that he was getting more anxious and restless with every intercepted message. If anyone else noticed his agitation, they didn’t mention it. He wasn’t sure whether or not he was grateful for that. Raffi had eventually narrowed down Hugh’s location to a system of three planets, one of which was uninhabitable. As the La Sirena approached the system, Elnor couldn’t take his eyes from the viewscreen. That was where Hugh was. Or maybe he wasn’t - that was what worried Elnor most. Before his thoughts could overwhelm him, Elnor found a seat to sit in. Nervously, he tapped his fingers against his knee. He felt Seven of Nine looking at him with an uncomfortable amount of scrutiny, but tried to ignore her. 

“Raffi, you still got Hugh’s readings?” Ríos asked from the captain’s chair, leaning toward the woman.

“Yup, sure have,” Raffi responded, bringing up the planet. “L class planet, doesn’t seem to be any life forms other than Hugh and and a large continent of vegetation.”

Ríos glanced over his shoulder to Picard, who nodded with a grave yet determined glint in his eye.

“Set a course then, Raffi.” Picard told his friend.

Elnor had been paying so much attention to what was being said, that he hadn’t noticed Seven approach to stand idly by his chair.

“You’ve been quiet, kid,” she stated, putting a hand on his shoulder. “You worried about Hugh?”

Silently, Elnor nodded - he didn’t want to speak, lest he unconsciously reveal more than he wanted to.

“He’ll be alright. We’ve found him now, and he’s tough. Whatever the reason he’s here, it won’t defeat him.” Seven reassured him.

Appreciating her attempt at comforting him, Elnor smiled at her. 

“I know,” he said. “It’s just… the thought of what it will do if it can’t defeat him.”

* * *

The planet was overgrown. Its ground spouted long grass. If Elnor didn’t know that this was the planet that left Hugh missing and possibly endangered, he might say it was quite pleasant. But he did know that, and it made him want to leave as soon as possible - preferably with Hugh safe and unharmed - however he knew that it was going to be more complex than that. Picard and Ríos came to the decision to let Seven and Hugh go down first, as they were the ones with close bonds to Hugh, and they would call for backup if it was needed.

“Why do you think he’s here?” Elnor asked, as they began their hike across the barren land.

Seven sighed. “It could be any number of reasons. Best to get a better feel of the place before we start guessing.”

Seeing the logic of that, Elnor nodded, before slipping back into silence. He could feel Seven’s eyes on him, but did his best to ignore it.

“If you want to say something, say it,” he told her, sharply, before managing to soften his voice. “Please.”

She seemed to consider him for a long moment, as though trying to discern how important her thoughts were.

“Are you and Hugh together?” she eventually did ask Elnor. “Romantically?”

Elnor felt the need to stop them in their tracks and pour his heart out to the older woman, but he couldn’t, so he tried to collect his thoughts.

“I don’t know,” he replied, trying to make it seem as though it wasn’t as big a deal as he felt it was. “We tried to figure out what we were last night, but we didn’t get anywhere so we were going to properly talk about it this morning, but…”

“Oh. Elnor.” Seven murmured, pity resting itself in her eyes.

“We will figure it out. Soon. I already know what I’ll tell him when it’s possible.”

When Elnor turned to look at her, Seven was smiling at him.

“Good,” she said. “He deserves that. And you. And the other way around.”

Feeling himself blush, Elnor looked away, focusing on the path ahead. “Yes, well. First we need to find him.”

Seven rested a hand on his shoulder.

“We will. You don’t need to worry about that.”

* * *

_“We are… we are…” the drone struggled to say. Who were they? They didn’t feel… they didn’t feel the collective. But… what else was there? Who else could they be? “We must be…” They felt… wrong. There was no… but there_ _was_ _a voice. A voice that was not Borg._

_“Hugh,” it said. “Hugh. Hugh. Hugh.”_

_“H-ugh,” the drone tried. “We… we are… Hugh.” That felt… good. Familiar. Right. “We are Hugh.”_

_But it shouldn’t be._

_“Yes. Hugh,” the voice said, returning. “You are Hugh.”_

_“We are Hugh,” the drone repeated. They still couldn’t think of themselves as Hugh. “You. You are…”_

_Who was the voice? It was not a drone, none in the collective spoke that way._

_“It’s Elnor. I am Elnor. Do you remember?”_

_“Remember?” Did they? The drone knew none with the designation._

_“I’m here with Seven. Seven of Nine.”_

_Seven of Nine. Yes. That was familiar._

_“Hi Hugh.” That was not a drone, nor was it this ‘Elnor’._

_“Seven of Nine? You are no longer of the collective.”_

_“No, I’m not. Neither are you.”_

_“Impossible.”_

_“You haven’t been for years, decades.”_

_“Impossible. We are… We are…” No designation came to their mind._

_“You are Hugh.” the one called Elnor told him. “Trust us. Please.”_

_Distress? What would distress Elnor?_

* * *

“What’s happened to him, Seven?” Elnor asked his companion, trying and failing to not show how terrified he was for the friend he loved so much.

“I don’t know. My best guess? Maybe something in one of his implants re-activated. I couldn’t tell you how or why, though.”

Elnor could feel his hands clenching involuntarily by his sides, and he tried to breathe steadily to calm himself. “What can we do?”

“I think… the best thing to do right now is to try to get him to return to the ship with us,” Seven told him. “We can try to take a look at his implants. And maybe being somewhere familiar will help.”

Slowly, Elnor nodded. “Okay.” He moved to crouch next to Hugh, who was sitting against the wall of a cave. “Hugh.”

“Elnor?” Hugh asked.

Elnor winced at how unfamiliar the voice that came out of the man he loved was.

“Yes, it’s me,” he replied. “Myself and Seven want you to come back to our ship with us. You’ll be less alone there, there are a lot of people that will care for you.”

“Care? We are Borg, why would they care?”

Elnor’s heart broke. “Because they are good people, with a large capacity for love.”

Temporarily, there was something in Hugh’s eyes that was familiar, before it left again.

“We would not be alone. We will come with you.” Hugh agreed.

Elnor reached out his hand, giving Hugh the option to take it. He did, cautiously, and allowed Elnor to help him stand.

“Good. On the ship we can find out what’s happened to you.” Elnor told him.

“Something is wrong with us? What will happen to us if…?” Hugh asked, looking mildly panicked.

Knowing he’d said the wrong thing, Elnor instinctively reached out to gently hold Hugh’s shoulder. “Maybe. But we should be able to fix it.”

“Why do you want to fix us if we are broken? We are useless. It would waste resources to fix us.” 

Elnor felt a wave of sadness come over him. He’d forgotten about that aspect of the collective - that they never salvaged, always abandoned. Comfortingly, he took the xB’s stiff hand.

“Resources used for you could never be wasted, Hugh. We won’t abandon you here - _I_ won’t abandon you here. Trust me.”

* * *

_They weren’t sure what it was about Elnor, but the drone somehow understood that he was not lying. A part of them knew that he would not lie, despite having no recollection of having encountered him before. The drone felt their fingers move and looked down. Their hand was around Elnor’s. It felt familiar. Somehow. But they weren’t sure how. They squeezed tightly. Elnor didn’t flinch. Was he being kind? Did he purely not feel it was painful? The drone did not know. They did know that they didn’t want to be alone._

_“Take us with you. To your ship,” they said. “Please?”_

_They saw Elnor’s face change, his mouth had become wider._

_“Gladly,” he responded. “It would be our pleasure.”_

* * *

Elnor was pacing his quarters. It had been four hours since he and Seven had returned to the La Sirena with Hugh. He’d been convinced by the EMH and Agnes that Hugh would be fine if left with them. Agnes had insisted it would be easier and quicker to make an assessment with no-one else in sickbay. Reluctantly, Elnor had agreed to leave, a decision which had been made even more difficult when Hugh had protested, distressed at the promised absence of the person he’d attached himself to as soon as he could.

“You will be fine, Hugh,” Elnor had promised him. “I will be back, I swear it on my life and my honour. You are safe with Dr Jurati and the EMH.”

“But… but Elnor will not be here.” Hugh had said, seeming somewhat panicked.

“No, but you will leave the sickbay quicker without me than if I stayed. You don’t need to be in here for long. If I am needed, I will be called.”

This had seemed to put Hugh at some ease, as he nodded. Gently, Elnor hugged the xB, trying to hide his own anguish about having to leave Hugh.

“I will see you soon.”

That had been four hours ago, and there’d still been no word from sickbay. Elnor was becoming extremely anxious. He was startled by the chime of his door, which he hastily went to answer. The nervous face that greeted him was that of Agnes.

“Elnor. I wanted to let you know what’s happened, can I come in?”

Nodding, Elnor moved aside to let her in.

“What… something happened?” he asked, too many ideas about what it might be that went wrong.

“Yeah, nothing drastically bad,” Agnes reassured him, before shaking her head. “I’ll start from the beginning. When you left, we did a complete scan of Hugh, comparing both the organic and mechanical activity of his body to the scan we did when he first joined us here. And, um, we found residual activity in his interlink node and interplexing beacon.” She tried to show Elnor a PADD but he waved it away, knowing he wouldn’t understand what was on it, something that would only scare him more. “Which means that at some point he’d been connected to the collective. We haven’t figured out how or when it happened, because we just wanted to completely shut down those systems to hopefully rid his nervous system of that activity.”

Elnor blinked at her with wide eyes. “So… you performed surgery?”

“This _is_ essentially what we did. We would have let you know, but we needed to start as soon as possible after he was anaesthetised and we didn’t want to panic Hugh any more than he already was…”

“I understand,” Elnor quickly replied, trying to reassure her. “Has he-?”

“No, he’s not awake yet. You can come and see him though, if you’d like.”

Elnor’s face lit up. “Yes, I would.” he agreed, relieved.

In comfortable silence, the pair left Elnor’s quarters, walking side-by-side.

“We’re on the move, now, if you didn’t know,” Agnes informed Elnor. “The EMH got the message to Chris that we might want to leave the area, in case a Borg rescue party was coming for Hugh.”

Elnor nodded, not particularly interested now that he was able to see Hugh. He hoped he was okay, he didn’t think the Hugh he knew would have appreciated being scanned and then having a surgery performed on him that he hadn’t been informed of - though he doubted anyone would find that pleasant.

“Hey,” Agnes quietly said. “Hugh’s fine, perfectly fine. Trust me.”

Giving her a small smile, Elnor nodded, knowing that her and the EMH had meant well with the procedure. He also knew that Hugh’s panic at being informed of the surgery would have likely caused complications. They got to the door of sickbay.

“He’s through here.” Agnes told Elnor, before allowing him to walk in first when the doors slid open.

Hugh was laid out on a bed. Elnor felt he looked incredibly peaceful as he grew closer. There were stitches around the implant on his right cheek - Elnor gathered that that was how the affected systems were accessed by Agnes and the EMH.

“We won’t know how successful we were until he wakes up. Can’t say for certain when that’ll be, though,” the EMH piped up from a station towards the middle of sickbay. “You can stay as long as you want, I suppose, just as long as you don’t stunt the patient’s recovery.”

Quickly, Elnor nodded. “Of course. Thank you.”

The EMH shrugged and muttered something as he returned to what he was working on. After glancing at Agnes for reassurance, Elnor shuffled to the side of Hugh’s bed. Pulling up a stool, he sat and carefully took hold of Hugh’s hand in his own.

“Hugh…” he sighed, kissing the knuckles on Hugh’s hand before pressing it to his cheek.

* * *

When a hand nudged him, Elnor’s eyes snapped open and his body straightened and tensed. When had he fallen asleep? He shouldn’t have done that, he had-

“Hey, hey, easy there, tiger, it’s me.” Raffi’s voice comfortingly told him, retracting her hand.

Breathing heavily, Elnor turned to face her. “Oh. Oh.”

“You good there?” Raffi asked.

“Yes. Yes, I am,” Elnor replied, sounding uncertain as he lifted Hugh’s hand, which was dangling over the side of his bed, and rested it across the xB’s stomach. “How long was I asleep?”

“How’d you expect me to know? I just got here.”

“Sorry,” Elnor murmured. “Are you here to see Hugh?”

“Yeah. He’s a sweet guy. And I promised Seven I’d check in on him. And on you.”

Elnor nodded. “He is. I… If he doesn’t - or isn’t… I don’t know what I’ll do.”

Until he felt the layer of tears building up in his eyes, he hadn’t understood the gravity of that realisation of not knowing how he’d carry on without Hugh. He felt Raffi’s hand place itself on his shoulder.

“He’ll be fine, Elnor. He’s a tough guy, I mean, he got through _the Borg_ before he even thought about taking on the Romul- the Tal Shiar. He’ll pull through this,” she reassured him. “Even if he couldn’t… you’d find a way through. Trust me. You’re both stronger than any of us gives either of you credit for.”

Elnor didn’t answer, just continued gazing at Hugh and gently tracing the raised skin on his chest and under his clothes, feeling his heartbeat and the rise and fall of his chest.

“You’re exhausted, and you haven’t eaten. Let me get you breakfast, I’ll bring you straight back after and I’m sure the EMH’ll let us know if anything changes.” Raffi offered.

After thinking about it for a long moment, Elnor nodded and softly kissed Hugh’s forehead before heading out with Raffi.

* * *

Elnor sat beside Hugh’s bed, reading a book held in one hand and tracing shapes on the back of Hugh’s hand with the thumb he had free, when he heard a small exhale.

“Hugh?” he asked, quietly, putting the book aside and holding the xB’s hand in both of his.

Hugh’s eyes remained closed as he coughed to clear his throat.

“We… I…” he tried to say, seeming confused.

Elnor stood and came back with a replicated glass of water, helping him to sit up and curling his hand around the glass.

“Drink this. Please.” he told Hugh. Hugh obeyed, acquiescent. “How are you feeling?”

“Ache. Um… confused,” Hugh admitted, slowly opening his eyes. “What happened?”

Elnor tried to remember what Agnes had told him, but knew he wouldn’t be able to recount it properly and shook his head. “It’s best I let Dr Jurati tell you that, I barely understand it myself.”

Hugh chuckled before coughing again. “I… ugh. Suppose it had something to do with the collective, it’s difficult to speak as… as an individual.”

Elnor bit his bottom lip, before nodding.

“You disappeared at some point during the night. I… I thought I’d driven you away from us, but when everyone decided we should try to find you, Seven and I found you on the planet you were on and… you were… it’s difficult to explain. It was almost as though you had been disconnected from the Borg collective for the first time in your life.” he explained.

Hugh reached out a hand to hold Elnor’s.

“ _I’m_ sorry that you had to see that,” he whispered. “And that you thought _I_ would leave before we could speak. This should never have happened.”

“I agree,” Elnor said. “I’d like someone to look at you before we talk properly.”

Suddenly, as though he had been called, the EMH materialised.

“A very good idea.” he agreed.

Elnor stood and stepped away from Hugh’s bedside, but made sure to stay within his view. The EMH explained what had happened since Hugh returned to the ship as he took some scans and looked over them. He nodded and put the tricorder and PADD down. “All that rest’s definitely done at least some good, you’re physically just about fully recovered. It may take a few more days for your brain to start operating as it would normally, but otherwise you’re perfectly well.” He tapped a finger against his chin before glancing at Elnor. “It might be a good idea to get him out of sickbay for a bit, maybe you could take him and get some lunch?”

Elnor grinned at Hugh. “I’d be happy to!”

Hugh smiled back. Satisfied with this, the EMH faded from existence. 

“Here, lean on me.” Elnor suggested, offering the side of his body to Hugh to help him balance as he stood from the bed.

“Thank you, Elnor.” Hugh murmured, giving Elnor a small smile.

Elnor was thankful that Hugh let him wrap an arm around his waist - both so that he knew he could support Hugh should he lose his balance, and also to keep him close. 

When they sat at a table with their replicated food - Hugh with a small bowl of pasta and Elnor with an equally small bowl of Romulan mollusks - Hugh looked closely at Elnor.

“Are you okay?” Hugh asked, serious. “Everyone asks if… if _I’m_ okay and focuses on… on _me_ , but you also aren’t okay, I can see it.”

Elnor avoided Hugh’s gaze.

“I love you. A lot more than I was probably able to tell you in one conversation, but… When you disappeared I thought it was because of me and I felt… _so many things._ And then we found out why you weren’t on the ship, and as scared and as worried as I should have been - and _was_ \- I was also relieved. Because it wasn’t me, I wasn’t the reason you left.” He sighed. “At the same time, I thought I was losing you, and I felt so _useless_ because all I could do was try to make you less scared, and…”

“And that’s appreciated. So much more than you think it is,” Hugh told Elnor. “I’m sorry we didn’t get to properly have this conversation, and I’d much rather have it under different circumstances, but… I hope that you can take an answer now. Even if it’s late.”

“Of course.” Elnor replied, after swallowing. 

Gently, Hugh squeezed the long hand underneath his.

“Yes. Yes, _I_ would very much like a… a relationship with you. If you _want me_ , if you think you can handle having _me_ and everything that comes with that.”

After a long moment of silence, Elnor huffed a breathless laugh.

“I am glad. You have no idea how happy it makes me, knowing that you… that you feel strongly enough to…” Having no idea how to finish his train of thought, Elnor stood and moved to stand in front of Hugh, bending to kiss his forehead.

Chuckling, Hugh pulled back slightly to gaze up into Elnor’s dark eyes with a hint of mischief. “Elnor, I’m almost certain you can do better than that!”

Sharply, Elnor laughed, before lowering to his knees between Hugh’s thighs and gently pulling him into a sweet kiss. 

“Can’t promise this won’t happen again.” Hugh warned under a murmur.

Elnor gave him a small smile. “I know. At least I know what I can do for you now.”

Hugh combed his fingers through Elnor’s long hair and savoured the feeling of him pressing his head into the touch.

“You don’t deserve this,” Hugh whispered. “The baggage I come with, the uncertainty about-”

“I have chosen you, Hugh,” Elnor quietly told him, pressing his palm to the xB’s chest. “I would choose you a million times over again if I had to.”

Elnor would remind him of this as many times as his eyes suggested would be necessary, and he would do so happily.

* * *


End file.
